I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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