Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
