4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
