Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
