OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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