i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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