Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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