i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
