Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
