Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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