escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
