Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
