i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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