Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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