Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
