hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
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