he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
