So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
