would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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