ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
