if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
