You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
