I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
