There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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