....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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