i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This house was built for laser tag.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't deserve a penis
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
