FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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