can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
