At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
