it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
