If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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