i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
