Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
