i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
