someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
