What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
