Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
