Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
