Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i now understand why vodka
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
