The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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