Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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