Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
