apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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