Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
