I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
