All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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