Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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