Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
