I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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