And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
