You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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