I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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