Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My dick has a subreddit
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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