omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
